This is part 3 of my 4 part series for the singles in the month of October! In this video we will be looking at things to look out for when deciding on who to marry. As Christians we don’t marry based on zodiac sign compatibility. He’s a Gemini and I’m a Leo and so we go together. No, we don’t marry solely based on physical attractions she’s got front, she’s got back, he’s got a six pack or a deep voice no! We don’t marry based on material possessions He comes from a rich family or she’s got money no. So what are some of the non negotiables when choosing a partner? Stick around to find out the answer.

One thing I always say is 90% of success in marriage is marrying the right person. When you marry the right person even when your marriage faces the biggest storm you are able to navigate through it together. But if you marry the wrong person, even the smallest air that blows will scatter everything. In Matthew 7:25 we see that the wind will come, the storm will come, the rain will come and the flood will come the question is will the marriage be able to stand? This is why it is so important that you don’t rush in the decision making on who to marry but you take your time and prayerful choose the right person. So let’s get into some of the non negotiables when it comes to choosing a partner as a christian. You can also use this list as a measure for yourself to see if you are ready for marriage or not.

The number one thing to look out for is maturity. Marriage is not for children. Marriage is for matured people. So I want to break down what maturity practically looks like and the perfect example of this is Jesus. The difference between the 12 year old Jesus in the temple and the 30 year old Jesus who started his ministry was maturity. Maturity is 4 dimensional it’s like a chair with 4 legs the chair is not able to stand and it’s not complete without all 4 legs. So let’s look at what the 4 legs are in Luke 2:52 the Amp translation says “And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and men.” This is what was said about Jesus before he started his ministry. A similar thing was also said about Samuel before he started his ministry in 1 Samuel 2 :26 “And the boy Samuel continued to grow in stature and in favor with the LORD and with people.” I mentioned in my last video that marriage is a ministry so before you start this ministry you must be matured and you must marry someone who is also matured. So let’s look at these 4 legs of maturity:

– Increasing in wisdom- Note it says increasing this means it is continuous. Jesus explains who a wise man is in Matthew 7:24 – He says a wise man is someone who hears the word of God and puts it into practice. Wisdom goes beyond just knowing what is right but also doing what is right. There are some people who can give the best advice but when you look in their lives they don’t make the best decisions. So the person you want to marry, do they have the capacity to do what they know is right? Do they make wise decisions?
– Increasing in stature: This is looking at their physical development. Have their bodies developed enough, their mental development scientist say the average human brain is fully developed at the age of 25. So you want to look at how does this person think, their view of life, their view of themselves, their level of self awareness, their emotional intelligence. I think under this we can also bring in things like are they studying? Are they still dependent on parents? Because if you marry someone’s child and their father is paying school fess the minute you marry them the responsibility of the school fees now becomes yours! So ideally you want to marry someone who is at a stage of independence they are working, they are earning income and they are not reliant on others to provide for them. They have a good awareness of realities of life such as paying bills, paying rent etc.
– The third thing is increasing in favour with God. This is a very important leg of maturity and it looks at the person’s relationship with God. Do they have an intimate relationship with God for themselves? Do they fear God? Are they actively part of a church family? Not someone who goes to church during Easter and Christmas. Does their pastor know them? Do they live out their faith, do they have a desire to get closer to God. Their relationship with God is so so important.
– The last leg talks about favour with man: This looks at their relationship with people. 1 Timothy 5:1-2 “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” So the person you want to marry do they know how to relate with people? Do they know how to talk to people, You are interested in a guy and he has so many females around him all his besties are ladies or you are interested in a lady and so many men around her and there are no clear boundaries these are red flags that you need to look at. How do they relate to their parents and their family members. How do they speak about other people to you? What is their human relation like? Do they don’t have a sense of this is an adult, this is a child, this is my age mate, or do they just talk to anybody anhyhow?
– So you see if you marry someone who is lacking in any of these areas they become heavily dependent on you to provide enough maturity for the two of you. For example if they don’t have a relationship with God for themselves you will have to carry the family spiritually alone, if they don’t know how to relate or talk to people you will always have to be going round mopping after them and restoring relationships. So like the chair if a leg is missing you would need to lean the chair on a stronger one in order for it to stand. So it’s important that you are aware of this before you decide to marry someone. The person might be the right person, but sometimes you must give them space for them to mature. You can’t help them mature. So in that time you keep them as a friend and all them to mature.

Lastly I want us to look at 4 connections you must check before marrying someone:
1: The faith connection- Does the person have the same faith as you? Do they believe the things you believe? The Bible talks about not being unequally yoked but even if the person is a Christian you need to find out if they believe the same things you do. Do they believe in speaking in tongues, the Holy spirit, tithing you need to check that and make sure your beliefs align. When Abraham was sending his servant to find a wife for Isaac in Genesis 24 he made him take an oath and swear by the Lord that he will not marry from the Canaanites because they served a different god.

2. The second one is the purpose connection: Are your purpose aligned? Do they know what they are doing with their lives? If you marry someone who hasn’t figured this out and they find this out after they are married and they don’t align with yours, one person will either have to give up their dreams or the marriage will suffer. So it’s important that you discover this before you get married to ensure you are all going the same direction.

3. The third one is the temperament connection. Are you aware of their temperaments, the strengths and weaknesses in the temperament and do you get along with them?. What is their temperament like. Is he or she an introvert or an extrovert and how do you two get along.

4. The Final connection is the physical attraction : Of course that is very important. You must be attracted to the person physically. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder so in your eyes is this person attractive? There must be certain features about the person that makes something do you. But eventhough this is important I have placed it on the last on my list because it is not as important as the others I have listed. The Bible says beauty will fade and so if this is the foundation of the marriage then it is not a strong enough foundation to base your whole future on the marriage will crumble once the beauty fades.

Lastly, One thing that is not necessarily a connection but something that you should be aware of is cultural differences. It’s important that you are culturally sensitive especially if you are considering someone from a different culture to yours. What are some cultural things that could potentially cause problems later? It’s not just we like each other and so let’s go with the flow do your research into their culture and even your own culture engage parents in conversations to understand the expectations of your culture. Jacob and Rachel failed to do this and it had severe consequences , a little research would have told them that the younger one doesn’t marry before the older in their culture. So be proactive and don’t just wait to find things out when it’s too late.

So this is my list of things to look out for when choosing a partner as a Christian.